Say Something
by greysanataddict
Summary: What happens after Cristina's not so wedding. AU. Merder. Mertina.
1. Chapter 1

"If you wanna break up with me so you can see other woman, just do it. Don't tell me you met another woman, just end it if that's what you want." She stood with her hands on her hips.

"I can't-" he argued.

"Sure you can. Here's how it goes: 'Meredith I don't want to see you anymore' 'Meredith I don't love you anymore' "

"Meredith. I do love 't you see? Don't you understand?" He rubbed his thumb on her cheek.

"You're the love of my life. I can't leave you." He said softly. her lips curved into what looked like an almost smile and his eyes were soft. But then his eyes changed to a darker shade of blue.

"But you're constantly leaving me." He stated.

The panic rose in her eyes and she was caught of guard. She couldn't help but feel guilty.. It was true, but she couldn't admit it to herself let alone Derek.

"You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So I'm asking you,if you're not in this, if you don't see a future for us, please... Please just end it cause I can't because I'm in this." He licked his lips and took a deep breath.

"Put me out of my misery." He whispered.

His words stung. They hurt her. took her breath away. She wanted to run. She needed to get away, this was too much for her.

"I... I can't... Cristina's getting married. I have to go make sure she gets married." She stuttered, not capable of making eye contact with him.

"Meredith." He sighed.

"I really need to make sure she walks down that aisle." She argued. Her eyes moving back and fourth.

He took a breath and nodded. He knew she would run, or find an excuse. She couldn't do this. So her only option: to back away and leave him yet again, to push him away and to run.

"Let's go, we're running late." He breathed.

She turned and walked towards the door, her head down in what seemed coweringly.

He followed a little farther behind, looking up at the ceiling, one hand in his pocket.

* * *

The doors slowly opened. A small frame entered. Curled hair, brown dress, the heels... crystal blue eyes. Her head was tilted down and then popped up. She took a breath and made her way down the aisle.

He knew. He always told himself, 'when you know, you know.' His eyes flickered on her as she made her way up the stairs.

She took a long gaping look at him before she turned around to face the pews. She stared, her mind trying to form words. And then she opened her mouth.

"It's over." Two words, two meanings.

"You can all leave." Four words. One meaning.

"It's over." She repeated. Two words, two meanings. Almost trying to convince her into the realization that _it_ was over.

She looked down at her hands, as she was mingling thing she did very often when she was nervous.

And then she was walking back down the aisle again.

Tears stung his eyes.

All eyes were on her ass she continued walking with her head held high. Addison looked at her the entire time. Mama and mom looking in shock.

And then she was gone.

* * *

She stood there. Silently just stood there. she heard the doorknob turn and she turned with it. Meredith appeared at the door. She walked in, looking for sight of _him._ Nothing.

"He's gone." Was all she said. Her voice almost broken.

"I.. I dont think he's gone. His..his stuff is still -" She looked around, as to prove her point.

"No." Cristina cut her off.

"His trumpet was here." she walked over to the chair in the corner.

"His entire Eugene book collection was here." She ran her hand along the book shelf where his books _once _were.

"Vinyls and CDs." She stated, looking down below where the books _once _were.

"And his grandmother's picture was by the bed." Her heels clicked as she made her way to the entrance of what was once _their _room.

"His lucky scrub cap was hanging on the door." She looked at the door handle as she backed away.

She turned and over looked everything.

Meredith stood there in silence, following Cristina's gazes.

She turned around, "He's gone." Her emotions had gotten to her, effecting her tone as she was about to cry.

Meredith stood and looked at Cristina as she began to unravel.

"I'm... I'm, free." She breathed.

"Damnit." She whispered Cursing at herself as she began to cry, doing something she _didn't _do... Feel.

"Damnit." She breathed, her emotions catching up to her as she began to get worked up.

"Damnit damnit damnit." She spoke, her voice getting stronger as the tears streamed down her face.

She grabbed at the choker that Mama had given her to wear as tradition, motioning that she couldn't breathe and needed it off of her now.

Meredith made her way over to Cristina.

"Get this off me." She said calmly.

"Get this off me!" She yelled, the tears streaming down her face faster and her sobs racking her body even more.

Meredith walked behind her and unhinged the clasp. Cristina immediately threw it to the floor.

She grabbed at the back of her dress, wear the zipper was, trying to get off her dress.

Meredith ran to the kitchen and came back with a pair of scissors. She effectively unzipped the dress and peeled it off of Cristina.

Once Cristina stepped out of the dress, she grabbed for Meredith's hands and pulled them to wrap around her waist. She needed that comfort.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Cristina had somewhat calmed down, Meredith and her were sitting on the couch. Cristina was resting her head on Meredith's shoulder, her hand in Meredith's.

"Well," she spoke for the first time in over an hour. Her voice was raspy from all the crying.

"We have two plane tickets and a hotel in the Bahamas for the next seventeen days." She stated.

Meredith blinked. "That'd be really nice. We should use it." She replied in a soft tone.

"I'd have to go home and pack my things." She stated. "You can pack and then I can come back and pick you up." She asked.

"No... I'll pack and theN come with you." She stated.

"Okay."

Cristina got up and walked into the bedroom.

Meredith could hear the drawers opening and Cristina walking around the room.

She sighed. She had ended it with Derek when she stood up in front of all those people. The double meaning to her words. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't confront him, she was scared. She looked at the opportunity to go to the Bahamas with her bestfriend for the next seventeen days as a way of running, but she wanted to.

"Okay I'm ready... I think." Cristina appeared at the kitchen table. She had a big suitcase and a carryon backpack. She had changed out of her wedding dress and under dress into Seattle type clothes to keep her warm.

"Alright let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated in a**** while. I had a volleyball tournament this weekend and Monday. Then I had practice everyday after school and then there's stupid school so here is the next chapter. There will be another update tomorrow! Enjoy!**

"Okay I'm just gonna run in, grab what I need and leave a note saying I'll be back in seventeen days." she had put the car in park in her driveway.

"Okay."

"You'll be okay in here for like 20 minutes?" She looked at her bestfriend.

"Mer, it's not like I've never been in your house before. If I need anything I'll just walk in." She argued.

Meredith gave her a discreet smile before opening her car door. She walked up to the house and put her key in the key hole and turned the nob to enter.

"Hello?" She yelled.

She waited a little for an answer but nothing. She laughed at her self. _well Meredith if there are no cars in the driveway, what makes you think anyone will be home. S_he laughed again.

She clutched her dress as she walked up the stairs, being sure not to trip. All the lights were off and she sighed. She needed to be alone for a minute and just needed to cry.

Meredith hadn't wanted anything to en. Between her and Derek. She loves him, but Cristina and Burke were her only hope that people like her and Cristina could get married and be happy. But that hadn't worked out.

She got to the second floor and a single tear streamed down her cheek. All the lights were turned off upstairs as well except for one in particular.

Meredith didn't recall leaving her light on in her room. Then again she didn't remember much of this morning. She shrugged it off and turned to the entrance of her room.

She jumped and covered her mouth after letting out a tiny scream.

A man wearing all black stood in her bedroom, but not just any man... Derek.

Derek turned around and looked at her with concern.

"What are you doing here?" Anger and fear in her tone.

"I uh... you just left and I thought you might be here but you weren't so I just waited." He hesitated.

"But how did you get in?" she leaned against the door. One of many things she had picked up from Derek.

"When we got back together... You gave me a key." He hung it from his pinkie and showed it to her.

"Right I uhh, yeah." She looked down at her mangled hands.

"I take it you want this back." He whispered. He didn't want an answer. He knew it would break his heart.

_Did she want to take it back? No. But did she want him to have it? No. What did she want, she didn't know. Meredith do you want the key or not? Do you want the boyfriend or not. Of course you want him, he's Derek. He's more than Derek he's the love of your life. _

_S_he bit her lip. "You know, I was gonna come back here and pack and go to the Bahamas with Cristina." She laughed at her self.

"I was going to run... Because that's the only thing I know how to do well." A tear streamed down her face but she continued to laugh.

"I hoped that I would be able to get away without seeing you. Because I was scared to see you." She admitted.

Derek stood there and just listen to her ramble. He adored her rambling, no matter what she was rambling about. A little smile crept up on his lips at the thought of her cute little rambles when she was nervous or trying not to blush when he would say something very sexual to her at work.

"And now I'm rambling, damn it." She scolded herself.

He wanted to walk up to her and kiss her to make her forget what she was saying, but knew that wouldn't be a good idea considering the position they were in.

She opened her mouth to speak when the front door was shut.

"Meredith! Do you want to explain to me why Cristina is waiting for you to finish packing so you can leave for the Bahamas for seventeen days... Seventeen! Seriously Meredith, I get you're being a good friend but don't think I didn't recognize the double standard of your words." Izzie made her way up the stairs and was now walking down the hall to Meredith's room.

"What you have with Derek, is rare. _Rare _Meredith! And you're lucky to have it, don't let it go. You're meant for each other, you love each- oh... I uhh, didn't realize you were here." She entered her bedroom door and redness hit her cheeks.

"Meredith can I borrow you for a second, this is important."

Before Meredith could respond, Izzie grabbed her arm and yanked her into the bathroom across the hall.

"Meredith what the hell?" She yelled.

Derek laughed, Izzie was trying to make it private but when the bathroom is only across the hall, it doesn't work out too well.

"I.. I don't know." She admitted.

"Derek loves you, okay? Loves you. He loves every little flaw about you and is willing to work through your problems. you mean so much to him and it doesn't take a blind person to know that." she argued.

"Izzie-"

"No Meredith, you need to listen. You love him. The same way he loves you. Are you seriously just going to let this get away just because you're afraid of loosing him? It doesn't seem like he's going anywhere considering the fact that after the speech at the wedding he came back to _your _house and _waited _in _your _room AND he is still waiting in your room. C'mon Mer! Jump off the bridge and just let go of your fears. He will take care of you and protect you..." She sighed, flailing her hands around everywhere, trying to get her point across.

Meredith stood there, tears running down her face. after a moment she turned around, opened the bathroom door and walked into her room.

She didn't say anything when she walked in, she didn't even look Derek's way.

She opened one of her drawers and grabbed a pair of jeans and then walked into the closet and grabbed a long sleeved green shirt. Standing on the other side of the bed from him, she undid her dress and dropped it to the floor.

He was a little stunned at her actions considering everything that happened before. She pulled the jeans on and jumped up to pull them to her hips. Meredith then pulled the shirt over her head and pulled her hair out from under it.

"Izzie..." She called for her.

"Yeah.." She replied cautiously.

"Go pack for the Bahamas and then tell Cristina that you are going with her and then move all the bags into your car. The itinerary is in the front seat you should see it when you open the door. And please tell Cristina I'm sorry and make sure you guys call me before you board." She ordered.

Izzie was now standing in the room looking between Derek and Meredith as Meredith moved back and forth in the room, tidying things up.

Derek was clearly just as thrown off as Izzie was, looking at Izzie with the same puzzled look.

Izzie simply just smiled, "Okay. And Meredith... You're doing the right thing even if it feels like the wrong thing." And with that she left the room.

"And we... We are going to your land, George and Alex will be home shortly too so this is getting taken care of at the trailer." she ordered again.

All he did was nod. She grabbed her bag and walked down the stairs into the kitchen, instinctively knowing he'd follow.

She walked to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.

"... Do you want anything?..." She turned to ask him

"Um no I'm good." He smiled.

"Iz are you almost ready?" She called up stairs.

"Yeah! I'm heading down the stairs now!" she replied.

"Woo okay I'm gonna go load the car and then we will be on our way."

"I'll help you." she replied.

Izzie walked out of the dorm giving them a moment.

"If you wanna wait you can, I was planning on taking my car anyway." She pointed her thumb to her "car," but was more like the driveway.

"Yeah I'll just wait, no rush." He put his hands in his pockets.

She bit down on her lip, she loved when he did that it was so hot. _Stop it Meredith you can't think like that right now. _

_"_Cristina, I'm really sorry to do this to you. But I can't walk away from something like this." She apologized.

"Mer, I understand. You deserve this, I'll be okay. Iz will be with me and we will have fun and make you wish you went. And I promise I will call okay." She leaned in and wrapped her arms around Meredith.

Meredith was taken back by it. "two hugs in one day...? Cristina I barely get a hug out of you period. What is this?" She joked.

"Shut up and hug me back."

"I love you Cristina, I'll see you soon." She smiled at her.

"Yeah yeah let's not get mushy or whatever. Just fix your whatever issues with Derek and don't screw it up. Be the non example of me." And with that she got in the car before Meredith could reply and they drove off.

She turned around to find Derek leaning against the front door.

It took everything in her to not just melt, she cleared her throat instead.

"Okay so I'll just follow you or whatever and meet you there." she said confidently.

"Okay."

She got in her car and she too was off.

* * *

She slammed her car door and walked up to the trailer's deck. She had no idea what she was going to say or how she was going to say but she knew what needed to be said.

He offered her a small smile, happy that she hadn't left. He'd barely spoken ten words in the past hour.

He pointed to inside the trailer but she walked towards the big open passage. He followed suit.

"So um... Okay." She nodded to herself, her hands in her jacket pockets. "I'm just gonna say what I feel and then you can say what you feel and then we can just go from there."

"Works for me." He agreed.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

"I love you." Were the first three words that came out of her mouth. "I'm _in love _with you." She gulped.

"When my mom was lucid, I avoided her because I couldn't deal with what could have been a repeat from five years ago. She said things. Said things that killed me inside. She mocked my love for you. Said I wasn't good enough, that I was ordinary, a disappointment." tears welled in her eyes. _Breathe._ she reminded herself.

"I just. It made me question anything and everything. And the. The ferryboat crash... I just, there wasn't anything to fight for, the only reason I fought to begin with was because of you. And then it just felt like I disappeared and and I was free." tears streamed down her face.

He didn't know what to do, if they weren't on the rocks right now he would pull her into his embrace and stroke her hair.

"Then when I was dead... I saw Doc and Dylan and Denny. And I told them that I needed a whiff of you and I needed you and I couldn't be without you and how I wanted to go back, I was so scared." she admitted.

"Then I saw my mother Nd she told me that I am anything but ordinary. Then I came back to life or whatever. You know what was said and done. you hovered, I tried pushing you away. Then you backed off, we had sex and you couldn't look at me. Just like you can't look at me right now..." She pointed out.

He turned and looked at her, tears streaming down his face as well.

She didn't realize that that's why he was looking away.

"Derek..." She sighed.

"It's okay keep talking, you need to get this out." He whispered.

She placed her hand on his arm for a moment and then removed it.

" I.. I pulled away. And I hurt you, you hurt me. Derek we hurt each other. I'm sorry I hurt you. I just, I have such bad trust issues and I can't get hurt, especially from you because you build me up and in a second it could all be over and you could break me down and that scares me. I'm trying to trust you I really am it's so hard after what happened with my mother and father and Thatcher just leaving when I was five. just Derek I need you to be able to be strong for both of us sometimes, and I need you to stick by my side even if I try to push you away. Because I'd rather have you by my side and be with you than not being by my side and without you." Her asthma was catching up with her and she was panting for air.

She clenched at her chest.

"Meredith breathe." Derek rubbed his hands in circles on her back.

"Do you have your inhaler with you?" He asked.

"No but I'm okay. Just I'm okay." She replied a little shakily.

"What else do you want to say." He prodded.

"Nothing, I said everything I needed to say. You can talk now if you want." She offered.

Derek sighed. He didn't know where to start. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do. With her he didn't know what to do, she was a complete mystery. With Addison, everything was so predictable. When they got in fights he would come home with a bouquet and the. Take her out to her favorite place to eat and take all the blame for the argument. It wasn't fair to him. But with Meredith, she wanted to run... Except for this one time. She didn't want to go back like everything was fine. She would communicate with him and he would know when she was upset. Not on,y that but she admitted when she was in the wrong and owned up to it. That's one of the things that made her so strong. He loved that about her. And to be honest with himself, he loved that she hadn't ran off to Hawaii and instead she faced her fears and actually talked with him.

"I'm at a loss of words." He admitted.

She didn't really know how to reply to that, instead she just stood quietly and waited for him to talk. It was his turn and he let her talk. So it was only fair she do the same.

He ran his hand through his hair. " I'm in love with you." he felt it was only right to say.

"You know, when i first walked into Joe's and sat down next to you... I actually fell in love. And not for the reasons you'd think. You were beautiful yes, god you were beautiful... _are_ beautiful." He corrected himself.

"You just took my breath away. And then you tried avoiding me. That's what drew me in. You were drinking back shots of tequila... Tequila." He laughed.

He couldn't tell because it was dark outside but she was blushing and a smile had crept on her face.

"Then when I found out that we worked together... I knew that was no coincidence. You tried pushing me away but everything about you just had me captivated. Anyway, I hurt you. I can't take it back and I want to so badly. You drowned and all I could think is what am I going to do if she doesn't make it.. I would've had to leave Seattle. And the. I let my career get to me. I let it get in the way of us. I was cold to you. I'm so sorry Meredith. I will never do it again. And I will always be by your side no matter what. No matter how hard you try to push me out of your life I will stay, I promise you that." he sighed.

"That's all I have... you're strong Meredith. You have no idea how strong you are. You've been through hell and I can't think why someone like you had to go through that. But all I can do now is protect you and be there for you. That's all I want to do."

"Well there's a lot of other things I'd like to do but we have to wait." he joked.

"We can make this work right?" She looked up at him.

"Yes, and if it's not working so well then we will try harder. No more running, no more hiding, no more lying and no more hurting." he stated confidently.

"Okay." She whispered.

"Okay." He replied through a smile.

"What time is it?" She looked down at her wrist but realized she had taken off her watch for the wedding and never put it back on.

He looked down at his wrist.

"It's about 1:55." He stated.

"Wow... I better uh get going." she concluded.

"Mer... You can stay in the trailer tonight, borrow my clothes like you always do and just stay for as long as you're comfortable with." He hoped.

"Are you sure, I don't want to um.. No it's fine I'll go home." She stuttered.

"This is where I come in and do my whatever thing.. It's raining pretty hard and I really don't want you diving this late at night. You look exhausted and I much rather you be safe here. I'll sleep on the couch if you'd like." He offered.

She looked up into the sky. She hadn't even realized how hard it was raining, or the fact that her clothes and body were soaked.

"Okay." She gave in. "But Derek... You don't have to sleep on the couch." She added.

He offered her a small smile, showing his gratefulness.

"C'mon you could get sick." he waited for her to walk next to him before they both walked into the trailer together.

She shivered when she entered the warm trailer and crossed her arms over her chest.

Derek immediately went to the thermostat and turned the heat on.

"How's that, is it warmer?" He asked

"Yes definitely. Thank you." She replied.

Her clothing and hair were still damp from the rain. She shivered again, the coldness of her clothes not helping much.

"Meredith, why don't you take a hot shower so you don't get sick. I'll dry your clothes, they won't be ready in time but that's okay." He offered.

"What am I going to wear in the mean time?"

"Well you always leave some pajamas here in your drawer."

_Your. _She thought to herself. Why was this so awkward, they were still a couple. Nothing had changed between them. She had planned on running away from him because she post hope but that didn't mean they are broken. They had both fought for each other to not give up. Nothing had changed, but at the same time everything had.

"Oh right..I .. Forgot." She stuttered.

"Why is this so..." He couldn't find the word.

"awkward." She stated, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

They had grown into that couple. The couple that finished each other's sentences, thoughts, felt the same way, hurt when the other hurt. It hadn't been planned to happen like that but it came naturally.

"Do you need anything el- god why am I asking you this. You've been here a million times before. We've done this a million times before." he argued with himself.

She let out a nervous giggle.

"I think I know something that will help." She had a coy smile on her face.

"What?" He asked.

"Join me in the shower, but only if you do the bendy thing." She smirked.

"Meredith..." he sighed.

"Derek, I ran but you stopped me or whatever. Nothing has changed, we are still a couple... Or whatever."

"I won't." He stated.

She was shocked, he'd never turned her down... Ever.

"Wha what why?" She questioned.

"I'm not going to jump into steamy hot sex with you. It's not right. We are going to do this the right way." he stated confidently.

She immediately blushed at the realization.

"Oh.. Okay." She smiled.

And with that she stripped to her bare skin and jumped in the shower.

He sighed to himself and moved to the kitchen. He wanted to make some dinner for them knowing that Meredith would be hungry. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed the tomato sauce and then went to the cupboard for some noodles.

15 minutes later, Derek was finishing the final parts of the spaghetti when the shower turned off and Meredith opened the shower door.

He wanted to look... He wanted to look really badly, but knew he couldn't; That he _shouldn't. _

"What's that?" She asked.

He continued to keep his eyes on the food.

"Oh I just made spaghetti,figuring you'd be hungry." He replied, his eyes still on the food.

"Derek, it's like 2:20 in the morning." She let out a little giggle.

He laughed and then he couldn't help it anymore, he turned around and stared at her. He was afraid this would happen. He looked her up and down, all her curves and all her edges. She was perfect.

She stood there, not really sure what to do. She observed his eyes, and finally they met. His were dark and determined. She knew what he wanted, she could always tell his mood by his eyes.

Now he was out of control. He walked over to her in two strides and now her body was pressed against his, his lips devouring hers.

It didn't really take her by surprise that he walked over to her, but it did at his desperation.

She placed her hand against his firm chest to balance herself. Next thing she knew her feet weren't touching the ground, but her legs were wrapped around his waist as he carried her to _their _bed.

There lips never parted, and finally she was pressed against the mattress while he was on top of her.

He pulled away to both their dismay and let out a heavy breath, gasping for air.

"We're doing this right." Was all he said and she knew exactly what he meant.

Her mind wandered to the last time they were here. She had stripped in front of him and then got in his bed, _willing _him to follow. They'd had sex, it wasn't the same and she could feel from his movements and emotions. After the sex all he did was look up at the sky way, not making contact with her. they exchanged some dialogue and then she couldn't be there anymore. She got out of bed and dressed quickly. She wanted him to follow after her, to stop her from leaving but he didn't. She decided she would start her car and wait. She waited what was long enough and the tears were streaming none stop down her face, when she finally willed herself to drive away.

She tensed under him and he knew exactly why.

"Meredith..."

It almost came out as if he were going to cry.

He felt so bad, he wanted this and he wouldn't do what he had done to her earlier last week. But he couldn't help but want to prove to her that he meant it, to himself even.

"It's okay Derek." She sighed.

Her muscles relaxed and she wasn't as tense anymore.

"We're doing this right." She repeated the four little words that somehow had no meaning alone but had all the meaning together, confidently to him.

She was staring straight into his eyes and he knew she was serious about this.

He simply nodded before leaning down to kiss her sensitive spots on her neck.

A moment later she pushed away, shaking her head.

His eyes grew big in fear.

"Derek... You are wearing far too many clothes." She whispered in a seductive tone.

She had a smirk on her face and she was still shaking her head in disapproval.

He groaned and grabbed his shirt, nearly ripping it off while she was working at the zipper of his pants.

He was now just as naked as she was.

"How's that?" He joked back.

"Much more approving." She stated.

He groaned and moved back to her neck.

It would be okay. They would be fine, and eventually get back to where they were before everything bad happened.


	3. Chapter 3

**HEY GUYS! So sorry it has taken a while to update, I've been suffering from severe writer's block and then I got better lol so anyway here is an update and I have the next three chapters written and I will post them every other day! Enjoy - E**

"Seriously Derek you didn't have to come with me to the grocery store, I've shopped for food before you know." She pushed the grocery cart.

He let out a little laugh. He knew very well she could go grocery shopping, she was 28 for crying out loud. He didn't want to admit it out loud but he actually enjoyed doing these couple like things. He wanted to advertise to all the other guys out there that she was his and only his. He had no shame in taking possession over her, respectively of course. But at the end of the day he was the only one that got to snuggle up to her in bed, run his hands through her hair and kiss her senseless.

"What are you smirking about?" She smiled at him.

She pulled him from his thoughts and he smiled back at her.

"Nothing." He replied. Before she had the chance to answer back, he slid his hands around her waist and pulled her in for a soft kiss.

He pulled away and she blushed. She brushed her hair out of her face and looked down as she slid her hands in her jean pockets.

He let out another laugh, she made it so easy to love her and he loved it.

It had been nine days since they had talked things out at the trailer and they had decided to stay there for the whole two weeks that she had off. He had to go in on some days for quick consults and simple paperwork. Most of the time they went on walks, actually toured around Seattle and lounged in bed. They'd been communicating and doing better. It wasn't as awkward anymore and things had almost gone back to normal. Meredith still had a brick wall up but it wasn't as hard to break through. Derek had done the best he could to be there for her. When he would go in she would usually just study and read. Her car was at the trailer, so it wasn't like she couldn't go out. He knew that she was still suffering from what had happened between her and her mother and her and Derek.

"Okay so back to grocery shopping..." She broke him from his thoughts again.

"You're really out of it today aren't you?" She laughed.

He nodded. "I guess I don't know is as just thinking."

"About what?" She questioned.

And then his lips broke out into a full smile and his eyes had that certain sparkle in them, he turned to look at her. "You."

"You're pathetic... You know sometimes I wonder who the woman is in this relationship." She scoffed. She still couldn't take a compliment to save her life.

He laughed at how feisty she was as he grabbed a box of Museli's. He glanced over at her as she rolled her eyes at him, knowing he was such a health not and he let out yet another careless laugh. She walked over to the cart and threw in a box of lucky charms and some pop tarts.

"Do we need anything else?" She looked down at the mountain high cart of food.

"No, I'm just going to run and grab some eggs. you can go wait in line and I'llcome find you?" He replied.

She nodded her head and turned the cart back down the aisle. She approached the lines and chose the shortest one, given that all of them were long.

"Strawberry ice cream, that's my favorite." She heard a man who very evidently was not Derek.

She turned her head and gave him a short smile, " Mine too." She replied and turned back around, facing forward.

"So do you come to this grocery store often?" He continued.

" It's the only one I come to, when I can." she said shortly.

He didn't reply, the puzzled look on his face answering for him.

"I'm a surgical resident at a hospital."

He nodded his understanding.

"I'm Tim by the way."

She laughed to herself, realizing he was trying to make a pass on her.

"Meredith."

"That's a lovely name." He complimented.

She didn't know how to reply. She was taken back by this guy and how forward he was, none he less how obvious he was making it that he was hitting on her. She thought to herself silently, knowing if she had a ring on her left ring finger that the man behind her most definitely would not be flirting with her right now. She went to turn around to offer a short thank you when she felt strong hands wrap around her torso and a kiss on her neck. She smiled at the action, knowing very well it was Derek.

"Sorry it took me so long, they ran out of eggs so I had to wait for them to bring out more."

She turned and smiled at him, "It's alright, we still haven't moved. All the lines are really long, they're definitely busy today."

she could feel the awkwardness, knowing Derek had done exactly what he was doing for a sole purpose and she loved him for it. He was definitely the jealous type and Derek jealous was hot. She shook her head at her thoughts.

"What are you shaking your head for?" He asked amusedly.

"Oh nothing, I'll tell you when we get home." She replied. She hadn't really intended to use home, it really just slipped actually. even though she wouldn't admit it to Derek for a while, it did feel like home.

Her mother's never felt like home. It may have when she was younger but as soon as she hit her teenage years that feeling went away quickly. She had her roommates that quickly turned into her family that kept her company and made the house as close to home as it could get.

"What are you thinking." Derek's soft tone cut into her thoughts.

"Oh, nothing." She offered him a smile.

He narrowed his eyes knowing that she was lying but decided to leave it be.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, reassuring him she would tell them once they got back to the trailer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were involved with anyone." Tim said politely behind her.

Derek's grasp in her hand tightened and she knew he was getting jealous again.

"It's okay." She said back, squeezing Derek's hand to reassure him about his doubts or worries.

They quickly went through packing and paying for their groceries. Derek pushed the cart out to his vintage hummer, opening the trunk and loading all of the bags in the trunk.

Meredith made her way to the passenger door, opening it and sitting herself down in the passenger seat.

Derek made his way to the door and followed her actions as well.

A smirk grew on his face when he felt eyes on him. He turned to face her and saw a soft smile playing on her lips.

"What are you smiling at?" He played.

"You." She sighed.

Nine days went by Since they got their issues figured out. They were happy together and actually talking out their issues, rather than sweeping them under the rug. She was slowly beginning to put her trust back into him and open up to him more. She'd never done this relationship thing before but she sure as hell wasn't going to give it up over as she said, water under the thingy. He really was irresistible. he made her happy and he was always there and she has come to accept that now.

Derek kept falling more and more in love with Meredith that each day passed. they had worked through their issues and she was slowly opening up to him and trusting him again. he had done her wrong before but he had vowed to himself that he would never do her wrong ever again. He realized that he was the main reason she couldn't open up to him or commit to her. He had lied to her about his wife and then he had chosen his wife over her. He'd chosen chief over her. He'd hurt her. Terribly and he still couldn't get that terrible memory out of his head that she had let herself drown in Elliot Bay and then died for nearly three hours. But still she. Add him smile and she was his happiness in life. And he certainly wasn't about to give that away.

He nodded his head smiling at how unbelievably beautiful she was inside and out. He unhooked his seat belt and leaned over the center consul, pressing her against her chair as their lips connected.

She felt a spark, like she always head when they had touched. Her heart started to flutter and she felt all warm inside. His lips were soft against hers, pulling her in for a fragile kiss.

He could feel her lips forming into an upward curve as she started to smile. He marveled at the connection between them. He pulled away reluctantly.

She opened her eyes and blinked herself out of her haze. A smile immediately spreading her lips from ear to ear.

She almost wanted to say it. She definitely thought it, and not just this time. Those three little words every man and women want to hear from the love of their life. Three little words with eight letters total, and a life altering meaning in them. She hesitated for a moment, really contemplating if she wanted to say it to him. She remembered the first time she said it and it brought tears to her eyes.

She walked into the scrub room where he was.

"_I lied. I'm not... Out of this relationship." She started with a shaky breath._

_"I'm in. I'm so in its humiliating because here I am begging-"_

_"Meredith" Derek cut her off._

_"Shut up. You say Meredith and I yell remember." a hint of laughter in her voice. She pointed at herself with her hands, one of the many things she did was talk with her hands._

_"yeah." Was all he said._

_She took a deep, shaky breath; preparing herself for what she was about to say next._

_"Okay, here it is." She started, the raw emotion in her voice as her lower lip almost quivered._

_"Your choice, it's simple. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great." The tears welling in her eyes as she continued to speak with her hands. She took another shaky breath._

_"But Derek, I love you." She shook her head, a smile appearing on her face. _

_"In a... Really really big pretend to like your taste in music." She paused._

_" Let you eat the last piece of cheesecake. Hold a radio over my head outside your window." Her voice getting stronger with every word she uttered._

_" Unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you." She finished strongly._

_She breathed again her emotions getting the best of her._

_"So pick me, choose me, love me." She finished._

_Silence filled the scrub room ._

_He started to build up the courage to speak but she raised her finger to stop him._

_" I'll be at Joe's tonight so if you do decide to sign the papers, meet me there." And with that she turned around and left the scrub room. Leaving him there._

She snapped back to reality when she felt Derek's thumb rubbing and caressing her cheek.

"Mer are you okay?" worry in his tone.

She cleared her throat.

"I'm okay."'she said softly.

He tilted his head, still not fully convinced by her.

"I promise, I was just thinking. Happy thoughts." She confirmed.

"Okay."

"Okay." She put a strand of her hair behind her ear.

He tilted his head, giving her his 'McDreamy' look.

His eyes sparkled at her. She immediately bit her lip, melting into his look. And just like that he made her want him, and she wanted him right now.

"Stop." She laughed.

He leaned in towards her, planning to place his lips right on hers.

"Stop what?" He played, smirking at her.

"Derek, you need to stop what you're doing." She protested.

"But you're so irresistible." He continued.

She placed her hand firmly against his chest.

"Derek Shepherd, I will walk home." she started to laugh.

He pressed the lock button, "Oh I don't think so."

"Or I can always ask Tim to give me a ride home, I'm sure he wouldn't mind." She fought back.

"Oh now you're just being evil." He replied.

"And you're jealous." She smirked.

"I am not!" He defended.

" You so are." She laughed.

"Whatever." He shot back carelessly.

"Mhmm." She laughed again.

xxxxxxx

"So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?" He sat himself down at the kitchen table in the trailer, across from Meredith.

"Umm... I kinda wanna go on a walk but then there's the bed, that keeps calling my name." She replied.

He smirked at her choice of words.

"Wipe that smirk off your face." She rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say anything." He raised his hands up, showing his innocence.

"Yeah well you were thinking it." She answered.

"Maybe I wasn't and really it was you who was." He countered.

"You are impossible." She muttered.

He laughed at her.

She simply ignored him and walked over to _their _dresser and took one of his over sized tees and put it on. She crawled onto her side of the bed and crawled under the covers, closing her eyes with a smile on her face.

Derek stood in the hallway for a moment, just looking at her and how beautiful she was. A smile mirrored his feelings and he soon stripped down to her boxers, crawling into bed as well.

He wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her back to her chest. Their legs automatically intertwined and she nuzzled her head into his chest further. He could tell she wasn't asleep by her shallow breaths.

"You're adorable, you know that right?" He breathed in her lavender hair.

She snuggled closer to him, not too sure how to reply. "You keep telling me that." Was all she said.

"Because it's true." He confirmed.

"Derek you have got to be the corniest man I've ever met." She scoffed.

"You like it."

"Tolerate, not like, tolerate." She corrected.

"Keep telling yourself that."

He rolled her onto her back, now hovering over her. he gently played with her hair and brushed her cheeks and lips. A big smile plastered on his face as he did so. He gradually moved his head down to hers, their lips inches away from each other.

She was looking down at his lips, waiting to be overtaken with bliss. but he just kept his face where it was. Her hair was splayed all over the pillow and her sparkling green eyes looked up at his ocean blue ones. She mirrored his smile.

"What?" She nearly giggled out.

He simply just shook his head and continued to move his head down, their lips gently meeting this time.

It was soft and slow. Her fingers immediately find int the curls at the button of his head where his hands found her waist.

"Derek?" She asked when he finally pulled away.

"Yes?" He breathed. He continued to kiss her lips, his suddenly moving down to her neck, continuing his assault.

"Stop." Her protest was very weak, considering what his lips were doing.

"Your body doesn't seem to be saying the same thing."

She pushed her hands against his shoulders, effectively pushing him off of her.

He pouted at her actions.

"Why?" He whined.

"I'm not giving into you that easy." She replied.

His brow furrowed. "I don't understand?"

"No sex." She simply stated.

"No we are not doing that again, that was total torture." He immediately pleaded.

She smirked at his desperateness and simply shook her head, toying with him.

"Mer." He practically whined.

"Under one condition." She held her finger up.

"Fine, yes, anything." He immediately agreed.

She laughed at him. "Someone's needy are we?" She smirked at him.

His only response was a groan.

"Well do tho want to know what the condition is or do yoU want to pout, I'll give you some time to cry it out if you won't and go get food." She teased, making her way up.

He immediately grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled her back down onto the bed, toppling on her.

She let put her careless giggles.

"Okay... We need to talk." she sighed.

"But I thought we already did?" He questioned.

"Honestly, I feel like everything is great and we are okAY but I feel like we are avoiding things you know. We should be able to talk about things when we are angry or when something makes us mad. I just, I want to be able to completely be there for you. Derek if something is wrong or bothering you, you can tell me. I know I've been a mess in the last but I want to offer you just as much support as you offer me because that's important for us to make it."

"Oh Meredith." He sighed, pulling her in for a hug.

"I won't deny that yes there have been things that have bothered me that aren't you and I have been hiding how aggravating it is since we talked. But from this point on I promise to tell you okay. And no Meredith you were not a mess, I broke your trust and your mom, well your mom said terrible things and you did what you did because of her. An. And that's okay now because you're here now." He sighed.

"Thank you." She looked him in the eyes.

"You're welcome." He pulled her head into his, kissing her.

"I'm sorry I kinda killed the mood." She offered.

"Give it five minutes and it'll be back." He assured her, immediately moving his lips to her collar bone.

xxxxxxx

"Derek I swear to god if we stay in this damn trailer one more minute I'm going to explode." She complained hours later.

"How about we go out to dinner?" He laughed at her complaining.

"Can we please Derek." She whined.

"I like it when you beg." he smirked at her.

"Derek! This is serious I'm freaking starving I could die!" She whined again.

"Well we don't want that now do we." He walked over from the kitchen and sat across from her at the table.

"Where would you like to eat?" He asked.

"Our place." There was this little Italian restaurant in town that they absolutely loved. They'd been going there since they met and he had pursued her. They didn't actually know what the restaurant, which they both laughed about considering they went there so often.

"Sounds good to me."

xxxxxx

"Derek I swear to god if I stay in this damn trailer for another minute I'm going to go crazy." She complained hours later.

"We can go out to eat?" He offered.

"Yes please Derek please!" She begged.

"I like it when you beg." He smirked at her.

"Shut up Derek! This is a serious matter, I'm freaking starving and could die!" She whined.

"Well we certainly dont want that." He laughed at how dramatic she was being.

He walked over to sit across the kitchen table from her.

"Where do you want to eat?" He asked.

"Our place." ever since he had pursued Meredith when she first started out as an intern, they always ate at this little Italian restaurant in town. They didn't actually know the name of the restaurant which was a surprise considering how often they ate there.

"Sounds good to me." He got up and walked into the bedroom, pulling out a fresh pair of jeans and a v neck.

Meredith got up from the kitchen table as well and went to the bathroom. She grabbed her brush, brushing out her honey- brunette locks. She then reached for her makeup bag and pulled out the lip gloss, applying the sparkly nude color to her lips.

Derek walked in as she was applying her mascara. His hands immediately found her waist. He always thought she looked beautiful without makeup and she was totally against wearing it at all. Her features were flawless, and not just because he was being biased but because it was true.

She finished applying the mascara and put it back in the makeup bag and storing it away. She turned around in his arms, pressed between his strong chest and the counter. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Ready to go?" He smiled at her.

"Mhmm, I just need to grab my purse."

xxxxxx

"That was delicious." She concluded.

"You get the same thing every time Mer." He laughed.

"Yeah but it was still delicious." She confirmed.

"You sure do have the appetite." He joked.

She swiped her hand against his chest at his comment. "You're an ass." She scoffed.

He laughed yet again.

"Thank you for dinner." She turned to him and he pulled her close in his arms as they wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly.

"You're very welcome." He smiled at her.

He dipped his head down, pressing his lips to hers softly at first. She let out a little laugh but stopped when his tongue slipped into her mouth. She moaned in pleasure. Her hands immediately finding his hair where his held her tightly.

He pulled away minutes later to his dismay, knowing Meredith was a. Private person and didn't like showing her relationship in public.

She miles at him and his hand found hers.

"Want to walk around a little? Its beautiful tonight." he suggested.

"Okay." She nodded.

They walked down the street, looking at all the stores and boutiques they hadn't ever noticed before. Her head found his shoulder and she comfortably rested it on there as they continued to walk.

She sighed contently, a smile plastered in her face. She liked the way things were. The pace, the openess, the trusting and the loving. She knew that Derek would never hurt her again and she knew that they were stronger because of the past.

He held her waist a little tighter and pulled her closer to him. He enjoyed the closeness and just feeling her next to him. He really was amazed with how much she had changed in such a short time and he was thankful for it.

He loved Meredith, more than anything. He came to terms with himself recognizing that things happened the way they did for a reason and he was thankful everyday that she did not go on vacation with Cristina nine days ago because he didn't know where that would leave them. Just thinking about it made him anxious.

Here and there he would lean in and kiss her on her forehead, cheek, temple or head and she smiled every time at the up gesture. Their hands hadn't let go of each other since they left the restaurant.

It was dark out and the only thing that helped them see were the street lights. The further they walked, the more shops and boutiques closed for the night. It was getting late but neither of them cared.

They came across a bench and sat down on it, Meredith immediately curling up to Derek's form. They both reveled in the warmth and quietness. They liked when their actions spoke for them so they didn't have to. She let out another sigh and he placed yet another kiss on her temple.

If he had a ring on him right now, there's no doubt in his mind that he wouldn't drop to one knee before her and propose. The mood was right and everything around them was perfect. But he couldn't do that, even if he did have a ring. He didn't mind the pace they were going at at all but he felt that they were going too fast at times and he wanted Meredith to know that they could take their time.

The angle of the street light showed that the ferryboats were crossing gently across the water and the life in downtown never rests. Meredith nuzzled her head closer to Derek's.

"I really enjoyed tonight Derek, well today. It was a really nice day."

He murmured something she couldn't make out in her hair and then kissed the top of her head, " I had a nice day too." He whispered.

She let out a yawn and moved her body closer to him for warmth.

"Do you want to walk back to our car?" He offered.

"I just wanna stay like this for a little longer." She answered softly.

"We can stay like this forever and I'd be okay with that too." He smiled even though she couldn't see it


End file.
